Choosing to be Single

Marital Status doesn’t affect your value.

That’s not just a cliché. It is truth. Every person, single or married, is made in God’s image(Gen. 1:27). Your worth is rooted not in your marital status, but in our creational status. So don’t buy the lie that something is “wrong” with you if you choose to be single.Marriage is a great thing...for those that are called to it. Jesus honored marriage and upheld a high standard for marital faithfulness (Matt. 19:3–9). ButHe also taught that marriage is not for everyone, and that a life of celibate, dedicated service to the Lord is an even higher, Christ-honoring choice. The Apostle Paul echoed this teaching in 1 Corinthians 7.

The Legitimacy of Singleness

In 1 Corinthians 7, the Apostle Paul says that that those that are single should focus on serving the Lord, rather than focusing on “pairing up.” He even says, that those who choose a life of celibate service are choosing something even better than marriage!Paul knew that true fulfillment can only be found in Christ, not another person.His reasons for saying this are spelled out. One, because of “the present distress.” Paul was concerned that some might walk away from their new-found faith in order to spare their spouses and children from the pains of persecution that was breaking out against the Church.This thought leads to the second reason for choosing celibate service to Christ rather than marriage: celibate devotion to the Lord allows one to focus solely on Christ, and not be entangled with the needs and wants of a spouse.Unfortunately, this understanding of the high value of celibate service to the Lord is not shared by most Christians. Far too many well-meaning Christians see singles are unfinished business and suggest being married is the path to ultimate fulfillment. You hear them asking, “What's a nice girl like you doing unmarried?” “Found anybody to date yet? “It's too bad he's not married.” Even books and articles are written from a Christian viewpoint seem to say, “If you commit your life to Christ, God will give you a marriage partner.” Christ never said that! He said that if we follow Him that He would give us life more abundant. But He never said that marriage was an essential part of that abundant life. Jesus is far more concerned about more important things: like personal holiness and dedicated service.

The Challenges of Choosing to be Single

Perhaps the greatest challenge for Singles is loneliness. Not everyone is called to marriage, but everyone needs friendship. Find friends that support and honor your choice to be single. Put up “guardrails” around relationships with friends of the opposite gender, such as not spending one-on-one time in a private place. Verbalize what those boundaries are and why they are important. Along that same line, another significant challenge is choosing to be single is the challenge of remaining sexually pure. Sexual activity is reserved exclusively for the context of marriage, and God’s will is clear: abstain from sexual immorality (Gal. 5:19; Eph. 5:5; Col. 3:5; 1 Thess. 4:3). Keeping friends and mentors that will hold you accountable is key.

Stay Focused on the Lord; not on the Season

For a rare, highly-blessed few, singleness is a life-long calling. But for most singleness is a season. Seasons come and go. This “season of singleness” may last longer than you want but focus on serving the Lord rather than finding and end to the season. Focus on Him and on serving Him will bring about the fulfillment that so many singles seem to be searching for.In other words, stop searching for a spouse! Rather focus on serving God and finding your fulfillment in Him. Find the kind of service that ignites your passion for HIM and run toward that with all that you have. And IF –while you are running with all that you’ve got towards Christ’s calling in your life –IF out of the corner of your eye you spot someone else running towards the same calling as you, then – and only then – take a second look.

GOING FURTHER - Resources

Boundless.org webzine offers young adults encouragement to live abundantly as singles while seeking God’s best in either celibacy or marriage. Kingdom Single(by Tony Evans)–written to encourage you to see yourself as complete in Christ and free to serve Him. It will empower you to live as Kingdom men and women in a corrupt culture.

Redeeming Singleness (by Barry Danylak) provides encouragement to those who are single or ministering to singles and challenging believers from all walks of life to reflect more deeply on the sufficiency of Christ.

GOING FURTHER -Hopewell Support

Hopewell Discipleship Groups We have Groups specifically for Singles. Check out our Discipleship Group Finder at .

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